Today: 1 bunch kale, 1 apple, 2 handfuls frozen berries, 1 splash apple cider vinegar, 1 handful of ground flax seed, 1 dash magnesium, 1 dash psyllium husk, 1 emergen-c packet, some water. Obvi AOAP (all organic as possible). I never thought I’d become a smoothie person, and maybe I’m not, since it’s only been four days after all. That said, today’s is a fresh, leafy, but surprisingly drinkable concoction and I am feeling better in my body and my belly. I don’t have to notice that, but I am noticing that.

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2 lemons with rind, 2 handfuls of pre-washed super greens, 1 apple, 1 splash apple cider vinegar, dash of psyllium husk, dash of magnesium.Zoinks! This is a tart mofo today, with tiny bits of rind texture that aren’t a palate plus necessarily. But I’m drinking it.I had to add a glob of honey to cut the acid.

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My stomach was jacked last week, unclear why.Not sick exactly, but not working optimally either.  I did that “listening to my body” thing folks talk about, and my body, my belly, actually wanted a little time off from digesting. So I went juice, well actually smoothie.

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From time to time I get interested in nutritional programs that promise health, weight management, and overall well-being.  Not usually too wacky or extreme, but occasionally both.

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A few of my peeps have some kind of comfortable quiet sitting morning ritual. During their morning sit sesh there might be some inspirational book reading, some pet patting, some gazing out the window as the morning light changes everything, and maybe even some gentle closing of the eyes while deep breathing in and out, listening to that, paying attention to that.

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 I’ll admit it, sometimes - ok oftentimes - a thought comes to me and I write it down before I really know what I’m going to say or do about it.Today is one of those days.And, what I’ve learned is, it’s ok.Or, “it’s all good,” as some would say.I don’t need to have it all figured out, every action, every plot point of every day or year of my life. I can relax and keep going at the same time.

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I woke up this morning and immediately my frenemy Comparison, the thief of joy,was at me: No Plans for the Last Day of Break!And, all those skiing, beaching, far-off-traveling families just getting home and cooking up healthy snacks for the week or whatever those good, On It, families do — No plans for that either!

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Ax does not like getting his toenails trimmed.Or rather, he thinks he doesn’t like it, resists it, postpones it, and then, when he finally submits, complains that it is too hurty.The alleged hurtiness I believe is a) fictitious since exclamations of “oww” have been forthcoming before any actual physical contact is made, and b) is perhaps exacerbated by delayed nail maintenance as the longer nails begin to harden and curve down and therefore, occasionally, require, just a tad, of, well, gentle digging out.I try my best.

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I got this. I’m done-done with that little nugget of knotted up darkness I’ve allowed to hang out in the back of my brain. There’s no need for it, I see that now. I’m good. You’re good. We’re good. It’s all good.

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I used to think I needed a purpose with a capital P, like curing cancer, achieving world peace on a political level, ending climate change.Now, those kinds of goals still seem valuable but I’m prioritizing my own joy even ahead of the noblest external goals.I’ve seen what happens when I don’t:I become restless, irritable, discontent, stressed out, unlovable.I wonder why I’m so miserable and why those around me are so miserable with me when all I want to be is Good Good Good.

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Every now and then someone comes to me and says something like, “I have a friend who’s drinking way too much, what should I do?”And they’ll tell me some consequences that have happened, trouble with the friend’s work, family, or health giving “clues” that something has to change.There’s been an incident.

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In my program a lot of people say things like, “this too shall pass,” and “one day at a time,” and “start the day over,” and “the past is history, the future’s a mystery, this moment is a gift that’s why it’s called the present.” So the whole New Year’s resolution thing seems kind of, anti-that.That idea that nothing is ever final, nothing is ever fatal, until I’m actually dead dead, and even then who knows.

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It’s time for me to soften up even more. That’s where the next green shoot of growth will come. In the soft heart that loves and beats without any effort on my part. It just comes

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I got triggered by something someone did the other day and it helped me identify a really old way of thinking and being that I’m 99.7% over.But that 0.3% jams me up from time to time, especially during the holidays.I don’t like that.

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I’m in bed, slept in.I can hear Charlie Brown blasting on the TV in the living room.I know what’s happening.Ax is watching his show while eating chocolate chip waffles his dad made.It’s Sunday and that’s what happens on Sunday morning at our house

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I asked Ax what I should write about today and he gave me this title.Right now he’s embarked on an 882-piece dragon which he’s methodically constructing step-by-step using the 163-page instruction booklet.

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I was going to write about money and economic insecurity today, because I visited my friend Fiona who legit lives on almost nothing and is going to be having even less coming in soon because the grant she’s had for a few years is not being renewed.  So she’s scared.

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Last weekend I took a pleasure walk for the first time in more than a year.  My friend Kyle and I made it about a mile before my foot started hurting, not a ton, just enough to make me stop walking and call for a pick-up from Kyle’s husband.

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The good thing about when physical pain gets loud is there isn’t a lot of choice about whether or not to change something to feel better. Something’s gotta change.

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