This Sunday morning I snuggled my child, made coffee, had a nice long chat with my husband, sent my father a note, gave text props to my sisters, and answered a couple of emails. I looked into grocery delivery service for someone I think could use it and then realized they probably don’t think they could use it so didn’t send.
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It’s a constant tinkering this existence, for me. I get on a roll, or off a roll, and then something happens, and I start to notice I’m not feeling as good as I’d like to be feeling.
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Yesterday I taped my hurty foot up and got to walking in the trees again. This time I noticed the man-made stuff cluttering my nature experience a lot more than the time before. I noticed rooftops, fences, signs about various hazards, signs saying private property keep out and generally a lot of kind of buzz-kill stuff in the midst of otherwise gorgeous green fluffy flora nature with big views, the whole deal.
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“Why does everything have to have some health benefit or financial benefit or neuropsychiatric effing benefit?” I heard myself moaning to my friend Giselle the other day. “Why can’t I just do something because I want to and I like it and that’s it? Does it have to be thing?”
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It took exactly twelve days for Ax to announce that having a camp-free summer was not as good as he thought it would be. Or rather, to let me know that he was complete with his camp-free experience and now was ready, for, camp.
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I’m making a Summer commitment to myself. I’m going to get my butt in a chair with a writing implement for one hour, three times a week.
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My sister Rosie, before her visit, told me clearly that she and her four-year-old just wanted to “relax” while they stayed with us. What that meant, I knew, was that they wanted to chill, build lego, swim, eat healthy food, possibly beach, possibly hike. And that’s it. No sight-seeing, no parties, no plans.
Read MoreIf I really really wanted what they have, I could do what they do, is another option. Or a teeny, tiny little bit more of what they do might get me a teeny, tiny little bit more of what they have: different body, different income, different swagger in the world.
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Today’s the day I let go of feeling sub-optimal about what I do, have, and am. And feel grateful I get to do what I do, have what I have, and be who I am. I do enough. I have enough. I am enough.
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