Safe to be Me

I wonder what it would feel like if it felt safe to be me? Like how I spent my days was good enough as it is and I didn’t have to be plagued by the inner chatter of more, different, better?

What if when I looked in the mirror I looked at myself the way I look at other people’s babies in strollers at outdoor cafes? Actual delight.

“Oh your baby is so cute!” I often say. Sometimes I’ll add, “Your baby is so smart! She looked right at me — what a smile! Look at those toes!”

I don’t regard myself that way. When I look at my toes I’m rarely grateful and never admiring.

I don’t talk to myself with gratitude or admiration either. I wonder what it would feel like to give it a whirl - and really mean it. “Look at you scheduling after school activities like a boss B!”

“Way to snack-Netflix-bath before pick up!”

“Good work de-dog pooping the yard!”

“Good work not de-dog pooping the yard!”

I can still remodel the kitchen or take more Vitamin B. For now I’m going to try this positive self talk thing a bit more first. I’m gonna keep going.