Things to Do: Explore Contentment

My friend Sunshine called me the other day. She was having a flare-up of more, more, never enough-itis: “I want to find somewhere warm for the winter,” she said, “how warm is it where you are?”

Where I am being central coast California, which is not warm warm in winter, not Hawaii or even Miami warm, which Sunshine knows.

“I thought you decided you were going to Portugal, or Bali?” I said.

“Right, right, I don’t know,” she said. “I could also stay here ….” Here being the Southwest, which is also warm, but I guess not warm enough.

“Are we really talking about relocation options or are you just having a plotting moment?” I asked. Because I have my plotting moments too, many of them — my well-worn paths and haunts of what if’s and maybe that’s that look and sound like rational strategizing crop up, more reliably when I’m under- or over-slept, fed, exercised, or socialized.

But even with all the body/mind maintenance I do, I haven’t permanently kicked the optimization habit, aka: productivity addiction, aka: perfectionism, aka: discontentment with whatever the current reality is. The current reality could always be tweaked to be better, just a tiny bit better, or more, or just different.

And that habit is the one I’m kicking this year. This year I’m putting “explore contentment” on my list of things to do. I’m going to practice feeling okay with my life, myself, my family, and all of it, as it is. All of me as I am. And then, and only then, from that place of essential okayness, will I allow myself to make external adjustments, if any, that seem appealing.

Meaning, if something is calling me I can go there, but I don’t need to run to the next thing just because Evie my evil inner critic thinks anything but this might be better. I’m feeding the happy me today, not that other one who is never ever satisfied. I’m gonna keep going.