Start the Eff Over

OMG this day.  Was so far off the rails before 9am, then by 10:30 there had been four or five mis-fires and things not going my way and an aborted blog post related to bugs getting in now that I’m leaving the door open for Cleo and my brain was focused on how not right everything was going, while I was still going going going, and then ... I remembered: I can start the eff over.  

This day, this life, everything.  Start over.  Bam.  Like that.  

I got help.  I turned on a random guided meditation podcast that had that kind of enlightened type music I don’t generally approve of because it’s like too McDonalds meditation and not hard core enough for me who is, in my mind, a really “practiced” longtime-on-the-path type, serious-slash-so-serious-I-know-I’m-not-supposed-to-be-serious type, but I was frigging desperate because I was waaaay waaaay out of my body brain spinning not enough coffee or perhaps too much coffee or maybe too much or not enough estrogen kind of unpleasant but not unbearable feeling and I had the thought: “I don’t have to feel this way.”  I don’t like how I feel and I’m gonna do something to shift this feeling.  Now.

So I stopped, well, paused, well, actually literally pulled over because I was driving, and I pressed the buttons for podcast, search, guided meditation, picked one that had a pretty picture on it and, I’ll admit, I bluetoothed it and started driving again.  

I knew I wasn’t actually gonna meditate — Don’t Meditate and Drive! — it was gonna just mellow me out more than say, Led Zepplin, which was what I’d had on before.  Which was awesome and bad-assish but not helping my over-stimulated vibe.

So the twinkly meditation-y music started going and I’m cruising and I’m on the verge of executing like five or seventeen potential plans, no joke, when I decide to Go the Eff Home and Eat Eggs and Breathe Deeply a couple of times and then take it from there.  

Regroup, Restart, Reassess: What do I really, really, really need to get done or do today to be okay?  To do what must be done, today, given where I’m at, today.  

And inhale. And look, there’s the sky. And Exhale. There’s the earth.  And inhale.  And here I am, just here, living this life, every minute a gift, some minutes this way and some minutes that way.  Yup, sky’s still there. And exhale.  I’m gonna keep going.

Sascha Liebowitz