It’s All of It - Put Down the Whip
It’s all of it. Chicken suits, stilettos, burritos, Vegas-style showgirl headdresses, native-American style headdresses, crisp white jeans, pinstriped suits, pumps, flats, sneaks, combat boots, flip flops, wedges, hair extensions, fake nails, fake boobs, fake cheeks, closed hearts, hurt souls, sore soles, hot pants, tube tops, and starting now private jet maintenance is tax-deductible. Phew.
So it’s really a lot for me, maybe for you, being in this world, at this time, this way, how I am, trying to figure out how I am — still — and what’s best for me — still.
How much work? How much play? What kind? Who with? How much alone time? How much money? Am I enough? Do I do enough? Do I have enough?
And of course, judgment, judgment, judgment, judgment. That’s bad, they’re bad, you’re bad, he’s bad, I’m bad. Bad bad bad bad bad. Bad and good. WTF?
I paid how much over how many years to clear this black/white, all/nothing thinking and now this? Burrito vs. Celery, CEO vs. Monk, super-vamp vs. super-mom, Joan Jett vs. Junior League.
OMFG. There are no versus. It’s all of it, all the time, and I get to snack on all of it, sample and hang out in all these activities, these identities, whatever feels right for me for this time for right now. It’s all true and none of it is true, like fixed hard stuck with it stuck in it true. More like wrapped in warm blanket of universe love happy it’s okay baby keep going mystery true. Like have some faith true. Like keep breathing in and out and that’s a solid B+/A- right there, just that.
That’s pretty awesome. And for me there is nowhere better than here, nowhere better than now, breathing, listening, watching, sensing.
I’m so lucky when I remember, when I’m reminded. In my brain there is always something more, different, better, just beyond. Which is fine, when it doesn’t distract me from all that’s already here.
So I can be okay, happy even, with what my life is, what I’m doing, today, now, and still move forward. I can enjoy what there is to be enjoyed.
There doesn’t need to be that mental whip driving me. I can put it down, again, and say, “Thank you for your service.” I’m gonna keep going.