More Practice Indicated


There continues to be a knowing-doing gap with me.  Like I know, and I write about, and I talk about, how important it is for me to eat right for me — right stuff, right time, right amount, right frequency.  That when that’s off then my mood and my well-being are off, and mayhem — real or mental — is more likely to ensue.  Same with sleep, exercise, socializing.

So yesterday I did my new-ish morning celery juice thing, which actually was a Suja juice super greens juice from the supermarket that I keep on hand for when I run out of celery or can’t bear to juice it myself.  Then I did coffee, then I got Ax ready for school and dropped him off, then I returned to the gym for a workout which was relatively strenuous for me, then I went to a meeting.

And then after the meeting I got into a fight where someone asked me something and I thought they were criticizing me not just asking so I stabbed them in the eye with a knife.    Well, no, I didn’t stab them in the eye with a knife but I was shitty and then they felt shitty and then I felt shitty, and ashamed, even after I apologized, and then I looked at the clock and it was almost noon and I was shaking because effing eff eff if I hadn’t eaten anything yet.  And I get up early.

So I raced home, ate a handful of macadamia nuts — okay, two handfuls — which the book How Not to Die apparently recommends, and then I launched forth on the rest of the day, which did eventually include a lunch date where I ate bird and veg and complex carb, but it was too little too late. 

Between the not eating and the morning conflict, the rest of the day unfolded in a feeling of rushing around while barely keeping going with a frenetic-feeling monster grocery shop, car care, and photo finish to pick up Ax and a surprise play date, which turned into a larger gather of seven-year olds needing snacks and drinks and specifically-colored reusable straws, which was actually good busyness. 

Then, once everyone left, Ax and I decided 5pm track was not happening.  I fixed him dinner, made muffins for the morning, which I’d been meaning to do for a week, and made myself an Emergen-C.  I didn’t feel okay. 

Then I sat on a step stool in the kitchen and cried while Ax watched tv and ate tortellini in the living room.

It was one of those days, and I didn’t start it over mid-day like some folks suggest.  I’m having a new day today, a day that started at 4am with Ax stating he was ready to get up, getting up, requiring warm milk, then going back to sleep leaving me up for the day.  A day that will end with evacuation energy given the storm reports.  A day that probably should involve eggs for breakfast.  Or at least macadamia nuts.

Thank you Universe for this day!  I’m gonna keep going.