Taking the Win Despite Disappointment
My vision for this week was that Ax would be out of camp and he and I would skip around holding hands and laughing and having a bonding, magical time. What happened was that on Monday we worked the crap out of decluttering and room organizing, and then Tuesday he wanted to watch a lot of TV, play with his cross-bow and homemade targets, and beg for his friends, all of whom, as far as I knew, were at camp.
He did not want to go to the zoo, the beach, the science museum, or a playground. Frankly, neither did I.
I wanted him to want to go to those places with me, and I wanted to want to go to those places with him. But the reality is my idea of a good time and his idea of a good time are not the same.
He wanted to hang with six-year-olds doing six-year-old things, and frankly I wanted to be with 40-something women doing 40-something women things. We love each other, and our interests are pretty different.
We tried our best to enjoy each other’s company for a few days in a row. I could have organized it better.
I thought it would be great to just be with his is-ness with no plans at all. But, his is-ness and my is-ness are great together for more limited periods of time these days. And that’s ok.
So by yesterday afternoon I was texting moms for play dates and one mom said her son was in a camp up the road that still had room. And that’s where I took Ax this morning.
Driving there, I said to him, “Wolf’s mom says you can go home with them after camp if you want to play more later. It’s a long day though and you get to be with Wolf all day today, tomorrow, and the next day so maybe you’ll just want to come home. What do you think?”
“I wanna go to Wolf’s house after camp!”
“Okay,” I said, and texted Wolf’s mom to confirm.
It’s weird being a mom. I need to be — want to be, get to be — constantly available for if or when he needs me or wants me, and constantly willing to get out of the way when I’m not needed or wanted.
Today I can either feel sad my mother/son quality time vision didn’t turn out as I wanted or I can take the win and get on with getting on with my own thing. And be grateful to be able to provide our child with what he wants and needs. It’s good to be Ax. And it’s good to be me.
I’m gonna keep going.