Sometimes Sober, Often Functional

So, I went to an actual party I actually wanted to attend on 4th of July and I met an older gentleman, David, who asked me, “So what are you looking for in a guy?” And I truly wasn’t sure what to say.

I’ve been divorced for some time now and feel relieved to be out of the acute pain, mourning, who-the-eff-am-I-now? phase. I’m thrilled to be able to report that the “always-family-always-love-kid-first” concept we aspired to seems to be happening.

Meanwhile, me. What AM I looking for, assuming I’m looking, which I’m not. Not really. But also, wouldn’t mind finding, without looking.

Anyway, talking to this stranger David, who is, in any other part of the world, clearly too old for me but in Southern California perhaps not, becomes kind of a joke as the wishlist escalates from “I want someone kind, funny, easy-going, and honest …” to, “also eager to do dishes and grocery shopping, handy, masculine but in touch with his feminine side, social but also happy to stay home. Rugged but not too rugged; Passionate about work but also always available when I want him to be; Wealthy but not materialistic; Well-kept but not superficial …” And then safe-ish David stokes the flames, “What about good looking?”

“Oh yes, extremely good looking.”

“And intelligent?”

“Obviously, he should be at least bordering-genius, but also very spiritual and athletic.”

And then we’ve become a bit of a stand-up duo, with long-time married friends listening and giggling and I say, “Actually, I’ve been on a few dates and they have been comedically bad. Like ugly funny bad, beyond. So, at this point I’m just looking for a guy who is not an addict and somewhat functional.”

And we all chuckled ha ha ha. But it made me sad. Because that’s not what I want. I want romantic partnership. Rainbows and unicorns, passion and frivolity umbrella mocktails in far away places and sunset hand-holding beach strolls and time-stopping snuggles. AND a dishes partner, a take-the-car-to-get-the-tires-rotated partner. A “my tests came back and now this” partner.

It does get lonely from time to time. Even with a very full and fantastic life, and all the friends, family, and purpose which I have and appreciate, the idea of a life partner, a companion, a special someone to share the journey with is enticing.

Will that be my story? Will I be willing to do the work it takes for that to bloom? Is there even enough runway left for that? I don’t know. Either way I’m committed to loving my life as it is rather than spending what time I have longing for more or different. I’m gonna keep going.

www.livingeveryminuteofit.com/subscribe