The Why of it All

The whole “What am I doing here and what kind of life will I want to have lived when it’s time to go?” question comes up frequently in these pages, if indirectly at times. I’m so happy when people tell me they relate to something I’ve said or give me encouragement to keep going.

I’ve tried very hard to never veer into the toxic personal development cacophony of people telling me what and how I “should” be living.

Somehow my feed is filled with shouting “helpful” tips: 5 things I need to do to make more money, 12 secrets to reduce unwanted belly fat, and only 1 spot left to learn everything I need to know about how to have better relationships!!!

It’s incessant. People trying to sell me stuff to be better or different. And the “ever-improvable” messaging hits me less like cheerleading my growth and more like fear-mongering that I’m not okay unless I buy their whatever.

I never ever want to be in that business. That said, I do like passing along whatever is floating my boat in the moment, but sharing that is more about having fun for me than helping you. You don’t need my help and I haven’t earned the right to give it.

A friend of mine called what I’m doing here whining. Another friend asked, “Why do you think anyone wants to read your thoughts about you? Why not write about something meaningful, like politics?”

I took these comments as blows but relatively quickly came to see them as gifts. They stung because they had somewhere to land in me.

“What am I doing here?” isn’t a question to ask other people. It’s a question for myself, my deep inner knowing. Too frequently I’ve wondered to myself and aloud whether I “should” be doing something more, better, different. And, I’ll tell ya, second-guessing myself and collecting input from others about how to live has not made it easier to keep going.

Having actual external people, people I like and respect, reflect back to me some of my worst thoughts about me helps me see that there’s another part of me that loves doing this blogging thing just for the sake of it. And that’s the entire why.

For me, looking at the world through writer’s eyes makes everything more interesting and wonderful. And that feels good. When I start thinking about what you might think or not think, it feels bad. So I’m going to re-focus on the part I enjoy and I invite you to do same. If reading me is not bringing you joy, please consider not doing it. I’m gonna keep going.

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