Like, Total, Duh — Or — Letting Go (Again) — Open the Door

So what happened was, the gift I did not want came in the form of some kind of sinus-y thing.  But because I was so desperate for sleep I left the sliding door by my bedroom open a bit for Cleo the cat to let her own dang self in and out throughout the night.

Readers will recall that although Cleo is the World’s Best Cat, she, like so many of us, has her imperfections, one of which is that she will only go out, not in, through the cat door we installed.  

So.  Instead what she does is — all day and all night — she goes out the cat door and then meows to be let in by a human.  Why have we all, Mike, Ax, and I become kitty doormen?  A) Because we love her, B) Because her meowing will continue and get louder and louder until we let her in, and C) Because she has us trained. 

My hearing is probably most sensitive, particularly at night, so every night, for years, I’ve been getting up to let her in several times.  But not the last few nights, because I had the brilliant, potentially life-changing idea to Leave the Door Open!

Why haven’t I been willing to do that low these many nights of interrupted sleep?  Many, many good, rational reasons:  I don’t like bugs, and bugs could come in.  Or rodents(!) or other people’s pets, or robbers (though I’ve been willing to leave the door open with the screen shut, so truthfully my fear of bugs is greater than the fear of bad actors.  

Also I tell myself I’d have to get up anyway, to do things, to check on things, it’s not really Cleo waking me it’s how I sleep anyway, it’s not that big a deal.  But now that I’m rested, with a few epic solid non-waking up nights under my belt, I’m kinda thinking — What the eff WAS I thinking? 

Anyway, you know me, I’m in this kind of woo woo mindset, or whatever you want to call it, I’m into Truth.  So after a couple of nights sleeping better than I have in years I woke up realizing that here’s a great example of how I have been the monkey holding onto the nut in the jar, unable to get the fist out the opening, and therefore imprisoned.  But letting go, I’m free.

My commitment to keeping bugs out, or perhaps to not letting Cleo “win” unfettered access, or who knows what, was the nut I held that cost me days and years of good sleep.  What else am I holding onto that’s preventing me from being free to be my happiest self,  in my happiest life being of maximum service as I am?  I’m gonna keep going.

Sascha Liebowitz