Me Doing Me

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It’s not like I forget exactly but every now and then I’m reminded that I’m gonna die, my kid is gonna die, and everyone I know is gonna die — and not on my schedule.

So then it becomes what do I want to do with this turn at living? What kind of person do I want to be in the world? How do I want to enjoy this earthly body, this life, this trip? What are my values?

How much time do I want to spend on thoughts, feelings, and actions that don’t serve my higher self? 

Not much. And so then, what’s left? Service, kindness, love, washing dishes, making chocolate chip pancakes.

And yet, every now and then I forget. Or I see someone or something and I want it and I’m jealous I don’t have it or I feel less than if I don’t get it or I forget that I GET to do this life the way I want to do this life and that (not) pursuing those things has been a choice, continues to be a choice. And a privilege.

I’m not monetizing anything right now. I’m not branding, cross-promoting, live-streaming, merchandising, tweeting, or any of that stuff. For now. I’m just living. A stay at home mom in service to myself and to others, as best I can, as I am.

It’s enough. I’m enough. I do enough. I have enough. And yet I’m ashamed. I could do more, different, better. I could be that one or that one. I could. But I’m not. I’m Sascha, and I’m doing me. I get to be me doing me. I’m gonna keep going.

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