Doing My Very Best
If I am disturbed it is because I am disturb-able and I can find no peace until I accept that everything in this moment is exactly as it should be. There’s a line to that effect in one of my daily readings and sometimes it makes great sense and sometimes it just pisses me off. No matter how true it is that the easiest thing to change is my own attitude, thoughts, and actions, something in my mind tells me that maaaaaybe there’s another way. It can’t be me.
If I could just get this person to do that thing differently, if I could just convince these people to see how much better it would be the other way, if she would only, if he would only, then, then, then, I could be at peace. And they would be sooo much better off doing things I want them to, the way I want them to, when I want them to.
I’ve explained to Ax, my child, many times, that when I allow other people’s actions to determine how I feel, then I’m not in my power. The power move, I tell him, is to be okay in my own is-ness, doing what I know is right, being respectful of others’ needs and others’ is-nesses, as well as my own. It’s safe to assume that we are all, all of us, doing our very best.
I know I am. I’m gonna keep going.