I Love You Just the Way You Are

That person I thought I should be if I wanted to be safe and loved is not happening.  Not even close.  And I’ve made peace with not being whatever that is, and I’m on my way to making peace with whoever I am, that’s not that, but I’m not wild about this person I seem to have become.  I’m just ok with her, on a good day. I can honestly say to Ax and to Mike, and actually to quite a few people, “I love you just the way you are.”  I don’t need them to try harder or do more or lose five pounds or be tidier for me to fully adore them.

Can I say the same for myself?  Honestly?  Not quite yet.  Or at least not today.  I accept myself, Evie’s not center stage.  But enthusiastically embracing myself, as I seem to be, as I am, is ... another frontier.  

Can I be as kind to myself as I aspire to be to Ax or to Mike or a person I truly love?  What would that even look like?  Would doing what I want to do become so much easier without the weight of self-doubt and self-criticism?  I have no idea.  I’m gonna keep going.