Yoga Teacher Training Week 6: Physical and Mental Limitations
I told myself a story that I’d screwed up my body again in Yoga. But after a couple of days of rest, then another day back to the mat yet babying it, I’m still aware of the site, but it’s not telling me, “How could you do this to me? You messed me up!” It’s telling me, “Ya, I’m adjusting to some new ways of moving you’re asking of me, and I’m giving you some new sensations in return.” It’s a friendlier conversation between my mind and my body today.
Like, “Hey body, you wanna go for this?”
And I listen for the answer, wait for it, I can feel it. That is new. It’s exciting. It’s easy and yet I seem to be “doing” more.
It’s not like all those pushing pushing pushing years I said, “Now I’m going to injure myself.” Or, “Now I’m going to muscle through even though it hurts.” It didn’t hurt. It felt kinda good, actually. In the moment.
It wasn’t until afterwards, or maybe even two days later that I got the message from my body: “What were you thinking? You’re grounded. I’m going to hurt so bad that you are forced to hear it. Forced to accommodate me.”
And I’d be pissed. Pissed at my body for not doing what I wanted it to do. Pissed at my body for not feeling the way I wanted it to feel. And, of course, perpetually pissed that no matter what I did it never did look exactly the way I wanted it to look.
Today, I’m not pissed at my body. I don’t drive it like a crappy rental car I’m trying to push faster. I don’t flog it like a machine made to do my mind’s bidding. It’s part of me. I’m grateful to it, grateful to have it, the way it is. The way it really is.
I’m gonna keep going.