Yoga Teacher Training Day Two: Say Hello to Big Me
So, Little Me is disturbed and disturb-able a lot of the time, all the time. It’s too cold, it’s too hot, my back hurts, my foot hurts, my feelings hurt, my life hurts, my life, my house, my body, my bank account, is sub-optimal, needs fixing in small and large ways, constantly. That’s Little Me. Then there’s Big Me, who’s basically okay with everything. Who’s okay with everything. Everything. Big Me is willing to tolerate and even enjoy everything because it feels better to enjoy than to not. That’s her truth, she’s just okay, All the Time.
Hello. Big Me is like, “We’re all headed to the grave but we’re not there yet. Might as well have a nice time while I’m here No Matter What.” Big Me is like, “Here I am. Cool.”
Big Me believes being alive is cool. Little Me ain’t so sure. Little Me is BFF’s with Evie. They like to talk about how disaster and expulsion from the herd are looming everywhere.
They have a lot of very strong likes and dislikes, particular needs and sensitivities, desperate longings, and dramatic stories to justify and to build the mythology around every little one of them.
Little Me is a brilliant story-teller. Little Me is so brilliant she can hypnotize Big Me for long stretches of time, and with some frequency. Like when I let my son Ax wrestle with me and I allow him to actually land a whack or two that sting before I wake up and say, “Hey, not so rough. Be nice to your mom.”
Little Me believes her own stories and lands some painful thoughts, inspires some regrettable actions. Big Me’s gotta step up. “Hey, Little, not so rough. Be nice to me, be nice to us.”
Big Me’s ready to stop letting Little Me run the show.
What’s that look like? For me, Big Me, Little Me, Me-Me, all of us, it looks like remembering that whatever is happening, no matter how painful, annoying, or challenging, it will pass.
It looks like remembering, in the moment, that I have a choice about how to approach the situation. I can remember that those around me are living with their own little selves, are struggling with whatever stories their own little selves are telling them.
I can treat them as I would a wayward child. With kindness, respect, but clarity about what’s okay and what’s not okay. I could cut them a lot of slack.
And myself. Cut myself slack too when I’m in Little. And then get Big again.
Why not? For me the reasons why not, the stories of why not, the fear, all fall apart, unravel when measured against the wonder, the peace, the lovely truth of living Big.
I never have to hurt myself again with stories, with actions, with anything. I’m gonna keep going.