Eat a Banana

“Anyone who tells you they have the answers is trying to sell you something.” That’s what one of my teachers used to say when I was seeking her advice. I found it highly annoying. Like, “Ok that’s fine but just tell me what to do and I’ll do it!” I’ve told you about my unfortunate habit of advice-giving, but I also get into trouble with advice-seeking which leads me to endlessly collect inputs from outside myself, rather than allow my own thoughts and feelings to gestate, germinate, and bloom, and then act from that place. It’s tough to get clear when I’m continually adding more information and other people’s insights on top of the mental compost pile.

It’s a self-trust thing, or something. A perfectionism thing, maybe. Or a fear thing. I don’t know, I don’t need a label for it. Maybe it’s a human thing, this second-guessing, overriding, taking my own temperature last, if at all. Looking outward, out to all the experts and gurus and louder voices than my own first, and sometimes second and third.

Particularly when the stakes seem high, my default impulse is to run around collecting information and advice, rather than sit still with the situation, breathe in and out, a lot, and get clear about what’s going on, what’s important to me, and how I want to proceed to take care of myself – my true self.

Today, I have choices. I can choose what I want to do, how I want to be, where I want to spend my energy and time, what I want to be vexed and un-vexed about. What am I willing to forego in favor of the bigger, higher-value existence? It takes a bit of time, time being quiet not running around looking to other people for answers.

For me a lot of the time the answers are already with me. When I give them space to burble up I can hear them much better than when I’m piling on other people’s stuff. Then it becomes an acceptance game. Can I accept what I know or am I going to spend a bunch of time fighting it, debating it, looking for someone to tell me something different?

Do I need to do nothing for a while, just stay the course, and see what happens? A lot of the time my best move is no move. Eat a banana. Wash the dishes. Breathe. I’m gonna keep going.