Happy Halloween / Sugar is Poison

I cancelled everything yesterday and rested. I didn’t feel well and instead of the usual pushing through it I let myself rest and today I feel much better. I really do. It’s a good thing too because today is Fall Festival at Ax’s school, and starting at 7:45 I’ll be doing intake for the kindergarteners’ bake sale. Second grade is in charge of the cakewalk, which I’ll be picketing with signs saying “Sugar is Poison” – just kidding! Those kinds of thoughts have no place at Fall Festival.

Mike made two dozen gluten-free chocolate chip muffins and two dozen whole wheat chocolate chip muffins last night, and wrapped them in plastic with Star Wars stickers to indicate the gluten-free ones. What a gem.

After the first batch came out, I said to him, “the flyer said only bring a dozen items.” And he said, “Flyer? What flyer? I thought I was supposed to bake enough for the whole school!” He was kind of teasing me, but kind of not. Either way we will be rolling heavy today with a ton of tasty muffins. Ax is proud.

Meanwhile, processed sugar is poison. I need to decide if I’m going to let that thought simply go for the day, make a Fall Festival exception, or do some kind of attempt to limit Ax’s intake or what. Mike will have an opinion about this too.

I don’t like this internal conflict I’m feeling of wanting to fully engage and be part of and celebrate people’s bake sale items while having this buzzing constant thought in my head that we are killing our children and ourselves and our planet. And particularly our kid, my kid, who tends to spin out of control after heavy sugar, and then get grumpy and teary and unable to enjoy anything.

If I know that how can I not help support him taking care of himself so he can have a good time the whole day, all day long? And even though I don’t want to know that, I do know that.

I’ve seen it, over and over again: The ecstasy of anticipation and intake, the slightly manic high when it kicks in, and then the painful, teary crash as it wears off, and then the ugly demands and craving for more, for the cycle to repeat. Knowing that, how can I not suggest he limit his sugar intake, even today, even at Fall Festival?

So maybe it is a dosage issue, again. And I’m not super-comfortable with the whole moderation thing, even still, with pretty much everything. It is much, much easier for me to go all or nothing than to moderate. Easier to go all out and then all out rather than to pay attention, bit by bit, and notch up or notch down accordingly.

Smooth out this ride and not let myself get so depleted or exhausted or stressed out that I need a whole day of rest. Notice before the crash, learn from the crashes, adjust, recalibrate, and proceed accordingly. I’m getting better at it, but I’m still learning. I’m gonna keep going.