Monday I played tennis, Tuesday I went back to yoga, Wednesday I hiked. Today is Thursday and somehow I have both a tennis date and a yoga date and my body is tired. I’m thinking about canceling, but I probably won’t. I’m thinking about resting, but I probably won’t. I’m thinking about those things, though, which is progress. And writing about it is making me look at that “probably won’t” and think, “Why not? Why not do what I know, part of me knows, would be good for me? Would be helpful and nurturing? Why second-guess and continue to push? Why not pause and ask that deep inner voice what I need and do that? Why not give that a whirl?”
Last night lying in bed I rolled over and turned my neck a certain way and that sudden tweak twinge thing happened that really hurts. The first time it happened I screamed in pain and got really scared and demanded ice packs immediately. This time I just kind of rubbed it a bunch and positioned myself with more pillows and went back to sleep.
I’m tired. I’m stressed about a few things, things that don’t warrant stress. I’m having not-enough-itis, specifically, I’m not-enough-itis. I have brain race about options and choices, things I should be could be doing but don’t really want to. I better get back to center, do that deep breathing, do the tennis, or not, do the yoga, or not, none of that moment by moment stuff really matters if I’m kind to myself in my head. I’m gonna keep going.