Always Remember

I’m not writing about 9/11 today. I remember where I was. I remember who I was with. I remember. I’m sorry for the people who died that day. I’m sorry for the feeling of safety that died that day. I’m not sorry that I changed my life after that day. I’m not sorry that day scared me, scarred me, changed me. That’s what happens. We live, we experience, we evolve, we grow. But I’ve not been very news hungry since then. And another level of news-avoidance hit after the last election. I have a friend, more than one friend, who’s an activist. She is in there talking about stuff, listening to angry and sad people, thinking about what she can do to make the world a better place, in a big way, a lot of the time. And doing things too.

I admire her, part of me wishes I could be like her, more active in the world, about the world, but that part of me is perhaps the same part that wishes I could have longer legs. The non-self-accepting part. I appreciate her and the others like her who do what they do. I’m grateful people are willing to stand up for the principles on which this Country was founded, to protect us from misguided people I don't understand.

And I’ll vote, even in the congressional elections. I’ll maybe do some voter registration-y thing, give some money to a few candidates people I like like. And if it comes to it I’ll phone bank to friendlies, but that’s about it. Maybe a little other behind-the-scenes-y stuff if my friend gives me an assignment, but that’s it. Plus I am serious about no more plastic bottles and doing some organic gardening at Ax’s school, but that's it, really it.

I’m not looking back. I’m looking in. I love this Country. I love my home. I love my family. I’ll do what I can do, me, without getting all twisted up and dark about it, without letting darkness permeate me. I gotta live in the light, believe in the light, believe the light will win out, and bathe in that connected peaceful feeling even after everything.

I'm sorry about what's happened and what's happening.  And yet, even after everything I am still here and there’s this big life to be lived, right now, by me, true me. And I get to do that even after everything, everything, even today. I’m gonna.