Pesky Brain Stuff vs. Life

So I did what I’ve been taught to do which is to just keep going, and try to be patient, tolerant, kind, and loving to myself and to others while I’m at it. I’m not going to lie to you, yesterday wasn’t the best of days. But it wasn’t the worst either. I went to a meeting. I went to yoga. I almost left yoga nineteen hundred times in the first few minutes. But I didn’t leave. I told myself that if I left I would just feel like this somewhere else, so I should stay and feel like this here. I didn’t “push through” and go bananas efforting to keep up either. I just stayed and did what I could do comfortably.

So I stayed and something happened in between the beginning of class, when my brain was racing and tears were welling in my eyes, ok I was actually crying a bit, and my body could barely move, like truly glue in my joints and lead in my muscles, and the end, where I found myself smiling. For real smiling. Not flying, but clear. Back on land. Grounded. Grateful.

What happened was at some point I stopped listening to the voices in my head, that pesky brain stuff, and decided to listen to the teacher and do what she said to do and only do that. Give myself over to where I was and what was indicated. Right foot forward. Left arm up. Twist. Stuff like that. I can do stuff like that. Lunge. Forward fold. Breathe. Move.

I can’t control all the things I’d like to control. But I can keep going, keep being willing to let life be as good as it can be and as good as it is. And I can do the things I know help me get back to center when I’m off center, and even when I’m not off center.

It’s 7:23am and it’s time to move. Time to pack Ax’s lunch and just do that now. Then whatever’s next. Boom, boom, boom. Life. Might as well enjoy it as it is. That’s all I’ve got, and it’s pretty wonderful.