Big Girl Work

I had a panic attack yesterday morning wondering how we/I would get everything ready for the party this weekend. Like, a real one, with needing to sit squarely and hold the table and take deep breaths to get through it. It wasn’t just the party it was an overdose of everything all at once, and the tipping factors of Ax deciding he just didn’t want to go to camp after all, like really really didn’t want to, and me having some actual big girl work work to do, and, and, and. So after I got my breath back I postponed my big girl work, told Ax we would go to the trampoline jumping zone after I took care of what I needed to take care of and got to cleaning house with our saintly cleaning person, Veronica. Six hours later the house looked amazing and Ax and I went jumping. Ax mostly took care of himself puttering around as he likes to, plus some Paw Patrol I’ll admit.

What took six hours? Decluttering – the dark parts, Ax’s toys and the bankers’ boxes of piles saved for later, which contained precious treasures to be organized. Cleaning – taking actual bleach to the outside areas black with ash and plant matter. Rearranging – the set up for summer entertaining is different from the set up for winter hibernating. Yes we have a winter. Decorating – hanging some of the art that’s been piling up in corners and closets. I just hung it where it fit, nail in wall style, and it looks great.

It’s not done, like, don’t look in the bathroom cabinets or my closet right now please. But the living spaces feel spacious. There are more places to sit, not only because we’ve added TWO outdoor sectionals but because there’s less stuff everywhere. I love our home. I love my family. I did the hardest part of my part. It’s going to be a great weekend. I’m gonna keep breathing. Deep in, Deep out.

Universe please help me be willing to enjoy what there is to be enjoyed. Please help me be willing to let things unfold as they will unfold. Show me the way of patience, tolerance, kindness, and love, for myself and for others. Thank you for my life. Ja.