The Wrinkled Nose

Yesterday was an Axy-Mommy date day. But Ax really only wanted to watch Fireman Sam and eat ice cream, which I said he couldn’t do. Ax is not a tantrum-er or yeller. When he is upset or disappointed he pouts and withdraws. He gets quiet and sometimes goes in his room to play on his own. Sometimes he locks the door even though we’ve told him not to. Some parents might read that and think that’s a great deal. Great, go play in your room and cool off. Some of my friend’s kids yell at them things like, “I hate you! You are the worst mom ever!” Some of them throw things.

Ax goes silent and unresponsive. To me, a person fairly invested in communicating feelings, the silence is terrifying. He gets this wrinkled nose look like he’s going to burst, like The Hulk before he turns into The Hulk, but then he usually takes off somewhere alone. The wrinkled nose is the full Ax/Hulk expression.

I could probably read about this response pattern somewhere, or lots of where’s, and maybe I’ll do that, do some reading, and try to find out what I could do better. I try to be loving yet firm. I try to explain that part of my job is to keep him healthy.

But he wants what he wants and I’m the thing standing between him and what he wants a lot of the time. He doesn’t have to yell at me, I feel his anger in his wrinkled nose silence. I love him so much I don’t want him to be angry like that, or sad like that, by my hand. But I love him so much so I’m going to take his anger and keep going anyway. I’m not going to give him what he wants when what he wants is not healthy for him and getting what he wants just because he wants it is not healthy for him either.

But it’s not easy for me to hold that line when I just want to have a good time and it would be so easy to just say yes. Yes, TV all day. Yes, sweets whenever. No. We’re going to try for another Axy-Mommy date day today. I’m not sure what we’re going to do, there are a lot of options. I’m going to enjoy it.