TGITuesday / Go Get 'Em Tiger!
Oh man, TGITuesday. Yesterday, Monday, was rough seas in my head. Even though I set my intentions to be chill it took me until about three pm to stop thinking about other things I could be or should be doing rather than being where I was, doing what I was doing, which was, of course, an ok thing to be doing in an ok place and even kind of nice once my brain arrived and managed to hang out and feel good about where my body and actions already were. But sheesh it was exhausting having this running commentary questioning everything I did until then. It was not a Coach Tommy voice. Not, “Hey way to wash those dishes, nice bill paying, good follow-up on that roof repair guy.” But rather, it was Evie voice, going hard at it, hard at me: “Bill paying? Do your taxes! Roof guy? You can’t get a new roof! Dishes? Why don’t you go get a law job! Call Ax’s dentist for an appointment! Change your hair color! Buy a new sofa! Sell your house! Why don’t you have more friends? You should lose ten pounds! Get a new duvet! Write a novel! Start a commune! Ferment something! Paint!”
So now, writing it down, I see why washing dishes felt so tough. Evie was there and I let her rob me of noticing the pleasant feel of the warm soapy water on my hands and watching the sink full of happy eating memories clear out into a shiny new vessel for the new day’s dishes. I didn’t pause to wonder at the great fortune of clean running water and abundant healthy food. I didn’t congratulate myself on the accomplishments of the day, however partial or small. Nope, I let Evie take over most of my precious Monday. But it’s Tuesday and I’m on to her.
A friend of mine’s boyfriend copped to reading one of my blogs and he was like, “I’m not sure which one it was, I got the sense you were sort of talking about being present.” And I laughed and I was like, “Uh, that’s kind of all of them, dude.” Because it’s not like I can tell myself that once and then be like, “oh, ok, got it,” and never need to hear it again. I need it over and over and in different contexts and over again. All day. Every day. Every minute. And today I will tell myself, over and over, “You can do it! Go get em, Tiger!”