Human Hoop Jumpers
I’ve observed that for certain kinds of people when everything is relatively stable and sustainable that’s when they desperately want to add a touch of chaos by making a big, grand move. Like sell the house, leave the spouse, quit the job, cash out the 401k, buy a farm – not die but literally buy a farm and become an artisanal landowner-grower. Or buy a really cool domain name and make a fortune selling it and get a yacht and sail forever beach-hopping.
My friend Tina’s husband Jarred is finishing grad school and getting his first real job. His starting salary is going to be … a lot. When I remarked how great that was Tina observed that the number was not a higher number, as if to say it wasn’t that great, as if acknowledging that the actual number coming to him was high would take the wind out of the sails of more or somehow thwart progress.
I guess after a lifetime of schooling in next hoop, next hoop, next, next, next we don’t drop that future-orientation after the terminal degree is awarded or after we win the golden chalice or whatever. There’s always some way to feel incomplete.
The woo-woo types spend a lot of time talking about this kind of thing, about feeling whole and whatnot. But then there’s also a lot of woo-woo’s who talk about if/when/contingent on this and that we do xyz differently, vibrate differently THEN and only then will we feel okay.
I don’t like listening to folks who tell me I’m dissatisfied because I’m not manifesting well enough because my chakras are messed up or I eat too many alkaline things or whatever and if I buy their particular kind of bulletproof coffee or eat spoonfuls of coconut oil or invest in their 30-day plan everything will be better.
Nothing needs to be better or different. My reality is good, even though sometimes I feel like I’m alone, homeless, and fat. But I am no more alone than anyone else, I have a home though I wish the mortgage were smaller, and while I am a bit heavier than I historically have been I can still walk myself around and even hike up mountains. I don’t need to chase a better body or spend a lot of time in fear of a worse body, though I do those things.
How do we, how do I, feel good about where I am, what I earn, what I look like, how I’m doing and still pursue improvements or changes to which I aspire? Is there a way to appreciate all I am and all I have while actively evolving towards something bigger, more, or just different?
What would happen if I stopped looking for and creating hoops through which to jump? What if I took the key out of the ignition and allowed myself to be happy with how things are? What would it feel like if I stopped aspiring, stopped dreading, and continued to exist? Could I do it? I'm gonna give it a whirl.