More Practice Indicated

I stepped in it the other day trying to provide help to someone who didn’t ask for it. I know, heck I preach, that all unrequested help is received as criticism.

And I totally didn’t mean it that way, and the person totally knew I didn’t mean it that way, and yet feelings are feelings and I felt bad because my actions made this person feel worse, not better, and then they felt bad because they told me to stop it which they knew would make me feel bad, and on and on and we got through it.

And today I’m grateful that person cared enough to say stop  it, you messed up, rather than suffer in silence or stick a happy face emoji on it and steer clear.

Because I got to learn the lesson again — more practice indicated: I need to  slow down, listen, really listen, to what people say, and then put that inner strategist fixer with a million ideas all at once on pause.

Even when people explicitly want and ask for my help, the most valuable help I offer is to help them slow down, get clear on what they already know works for them, ask questions (not leading questions, actual curious questions), and model calm relaxation. Then more gets revealed.

Some days I do well with this ease-ier way of relating to others. Some days mastery eludes me. I’m gonna keep going.