Meet Perky, Hot, Fabulous Chloe
So you may have noticed I’ve been channeling my inner Princess Wah Wah a lot lately. My shrink Trish would say it’s unkind plus counter-productive to label legit sensitive feelings as whiny or otherwise lame and unwanted.
Trish is all about feeling feelings as long and as hard as I need to so I can heal properly and move on. Something shrinky like that.
Evie the inner critic says, “What-ever, Trish. Feel, heal, blah, blah, blah, boring.” Evie is sick of me whining, especially in public, especially about my sore foot, spasmed back, messed up sleep, funky digestion, sub-optimal emotions, weight gain, sofa choice conundrums, The Divorce, battles with melancholia, and basically, anything that’s not me presenting perky, hot, and fabulous.
That one, that perky, hot, fabulous one, I’m calling Chloe. Here’s what I realized last week, which you probably already knew, you smarty: Chloe is Evie’s projection. Chloe is not on my side and is not me. Not me, me, not this life, this time/place me.
She’s an idea of me that maybe former/younger me had a goal of embodying, and actually did semi-okay at embodying, for a time, on the outside. But me me Sascha me had to be kind of eaten to do it, like the failure to thrive twin in the womb. For Chloe to live, Sascha had to be locked up, hidden away in a dungeon to atrophy and die.
But - spoiler alert! I’m Not Dead Yet! That is the fabulous news, for me, anyway. Me me. I’d rather be alive and live, out in the open, as me me somaticizing Every Little Thing and sometimes needing a good whine than walking around perky hot fabulous all the time while my inner self was all alone in a dungeon. I’m gonna keep going.
P.S. If you managed to get through this entire post, then:
a) bless you
b) please subscribe:
www.livingeveryminuteofit.com/subscribe
I am having A Lot of ideas about moving, pausing, etc. and I don’t want to lose you. Thank you!!!!
c) If you’d like to share thoughts with me on this post or anything else you’re officially invited to call, text, message.
