No Thank You

I have a troll! I’m pretty sure this means I’m becoming a little bit famous, because no  one would write just a normal-ish non-famous person like me the note I received that basically said I should shut up and quit my bitching.  Which is kinda what I tell myself and if it hadn’t been put forth in such an aggressive, rude, and mean-spirited manner, by a stranger, I might have said, “I totally agree.”

But instead I did not reply, did not do anything.  And let it simmer.  Did not let it override, not particularly, all the nice and encouraging things I’ve heard.  And it gave me more compassion for the actually famous people, and not-so-famous people, whose lives I examine and judge, whose clothes, bodies, cars, lifestyles, spouses, recreational activities I either condemn or envy or both.  Sheesh! 

And now I’ve got someone who — to my face, well to my in-box — is telling me I suck for being the way I am, thinking the way I do.  

Wow!  For some reason it’s liberating to actually experience someone saying what I — what Evie — says to me all the time, and feel like, “Nah, nope, no thanks, not taking that in.” Or even, “Sheesh that poor person, to be miserable enough to try to make me miserable.”  And to realize that in my mind I’m frequently the troll, my own little troll — who is  that miserable part of me and what’s her angle?

Anyway, this isn’t like a request to send me nasty thoughts so I can get more practice feeling okay in the face of them.  I’ve gotten enough of the benefits of receiving that kind of thing.  And I don’t want it.  Don’t want it from you, don’t want it from me.  No thank you.  I’m good.  I’m gonna keep going.

Sascha Liebowitz