​Not an Antelope: I Could Do What They Do


If I really really wanted what they have, I could do what they do, is another option. Or a teeny, tiny little bit more of what they do might get me a teeny, tiny little bit more of what they have: different body, different income, different swagger in the world.

Different, not necessarily better — well ya truly I do keep thinking those ones are better than my ones but I’ve been taught to say “different” not better because like, the antelope doesn’t wish it were a horse and the tulip doesn’t wish it were a rose ... but really A) do we know that for sure? and B) I’m not a frigging antelope, or a tulip.

So. The crux, the same point, over and over and over and over again, in different scenarios and different outfits, different uncomfortable shoe options, employment options, social options, and the like, the same question: Do I dare to be comfortable as I am? Live my life as a non-antelope and non-that person or that person and - and - feel content about it? 

Stop yearning and craving and wishing and hoping for different, better, more — even in the face of a life beyond my wildest dreams? A husband, a child, family, friends, creativity, service — I love my life and the people in it. 

Why can’t I seem to rest easy in that, enjoy that, stop the striving — or yield to it and go for it — what? What is the it? It’s always the next thing, not this thing. The opposite of presence. 

Maybe instead of focusing on keeping going I should feel good about staying right here, in this life, this body, this temperament, and the fruits of all that. What a concept. I’m gonna keep going.