So, I’ve been talking more candidly to my friends, or rather they’ve been talking to me more candidly about all the “work” they’ve had. The tummy, the boobs, the thighs, the ass, the upper arms, and, of course, the face. The full-on face lifts, and then the chin implants, the cheek implants, jawline “softening,” brow lifts, neck lifts, and all manner of contouring way beyond the nose job. And then all the so-called non-invasive “maintenance” stuff, — chem peels, light facials, micro-blading, the parade of injectables including Miss Magic Botox and all her many sidekick filler friends.
I can’t believe it! Except that I kinda can, because I’m pretty careful about food and exercise and my bod is not gonna look like that semi-perfect bod without surgical help. And now that I know so many people are doing it it doesn’t seem like that much of a stretch — no pun intended.
One body tune-up “package” of choice is the “mommy makeover,” which apparently I am the last mommy who’s not heard of this trifecta: Boob lift (with or without implants), tummy tuck, liposuction. Voila: the right curves in the right places, for the cost of a compact car and recovery time of I don’t actually know, results may vary.
Anyway, I was actually feeling so desperately miserable about my mid-section the other day that I was thinking maybe surgically sucking it out rather than another year futilely attempting to plank and diet it out seemed reasonable.
And then I had this flash of the Dr. Seuss story the Star-Bellied Sneetches — where the ones with stars on their bellies were considered better, so then the ones without stars got stars applied to their bellies, and then the ones who had them originally paid someone to remove them and on, and on, and on. Dr. Seuss tells it much better.
But anyway, none of the sneetches come out ahead.
The guy who comes out ahead is the one selling the star-adding and star-removing treatments. The sneetches are all just running around trying to get whatever is in vogue at any given moment which is constantly changing. And by the way completely flat tummies for women past puberty has not always been in fashion.
So today, I’m keeping my belly. It’s one thing to channel not-good-enough-itis and more-itis into pricey sectional shopping but it’s kinda next-level to go for the knife.
And I’d be absolutely lying if I didn’t tell you I am right now trying this new celery juice cleanse thing — for my health man! — and I’m extremely open to it reducing the size of my belly. I’m also really really hoping no one takes this post as bagging on plastic surgeons or their clients, of whom I may be one in time. But not today. I’m gonna keep going.