Every night I ask the universe for help being willing to let things be as good as they can be and as good as they are. Even so, after two relatively subdued days I felt like a tiger pacing in its cell yesterday. I had a lot of energy and the knee thing still funky no exercise solution. I felt like I needed more excitement. What I did was I went to breakfast with a friend, cleaned out my car which had needed that for several weeks, tidied the house, took care of some banking, talked real estate with a friend, took a painting that had been sitting in my car to be framed, replied to two emails that were hanging over my head, rearranged a bit of furniture, had tea with another friend and her 90-something mom, and went shopping with Ax to get him some new shoes and vegan fro-yo.
None of it felt very tiger jailbreak-ish. But it was ok. I made it through and I did no harm to myself or others as far as I can tell. It was a keepin-it-going kind of day.
This morning I woke up and engaged in my new daily practice of letting Evie, my evil inner critic voice, speak first. What I do is I write down the Evie thoughts in a little notebook. The idea is if I let her just say what she has to say, jot it down in like a three minute blurt, after that I’ll be ready to let the good stuff in. The “Universe please direct my thinking for today, help me be of use,” kind of stuff.
So this morning Evie’s main issue is that I did all this work to plant our garden but I didn’t go out last night with a flashlight to pluck snails and today it’s quite likely the snails have feasted on our baby plants and it’s all been for naught. (And therefore I'm a waster and don't deserve a garden.) Again, not tiger stuff. Keepin-it-going stuff.
Keepin-it-going. Enjoying what there is to be enjoyed. Willing to let things be as good as they can be and as good as they are. Looking for opportunities to be of service to others, to practice patience, tolerance, kindness, and love. It’s all good stuff. And it’s uncomfortable staying the course on that for me without some big juicy sizzle to focus on, a big project or initiative. A cannonball in that calm-ish lake.
Evie wants a little more juice, a little more excitement, a bit more sizzle. Always. But I want to enjoy and take care of what’s already happening here. I want to grow this life, the one I have. I’m not in a cell, I’m in a beautiful life that is good for me. I just noticed it’s raining. Maybe there are still a few snails to catch. I’m on it.