Missy, Sunshine, and I were hanging out drinking coffee at our usual when Missy decided to do our astrological something-or-others on her sacred app. She discovered that Sunshine and I were both “Manifesting Generators.” I liked the sound of that. I’m pretty sure no one comes up as a “Good For Nothing Slug,” but enough of that snark. As she read the description for the Manifesting Generators both Sunshine and I immediately started reacting to the qualities, like, “oh no, oh no, oh no!” And I noticed our reaction and was like, “Come on Sunshine, we are goddesses of positivity here and we’re listening to completely neutral statements like, ‘Some things are appealing to you and you pursue them, while other things are not appealing to you and you don’t,’ and we’re acting like we’ve been hit with arrows. Where’s the self-acceptance?”
In general I avoid people and programs that say they’re going to tell me something about me. Not because it’s all hooey, which it may be, but because I am so frigging porous. It’ll stick in my mind and I’ll chew it up and around and at worst I’ll feel bad, because all assessments fall short, and at best, which is not good at all, I’ll get all distracted from enjoying being.
If I’m going to get distracted I’d rather check out on Zillow or Grace & Frankie than some rabbit hole questioning, strategizing, plotting, planning how to better manifest and generate which is my destiny, according to someone else. Like my friend who keeps telling me I'm a "Spring" and need to stop wearing all black. Thanks for the input.
I confessed my Plan A to Sunshine and she was like, “I know, you told me.” Which was kind of funny because I am still so embarrassed because it’s, it’s mine, and it could be bigger, or smaller, or different. But I articulated it, out loud, again apparently, to another person, and it reinvigorated my commitment to my modest yet vast goal du jour.
So after I picked up Ax yesterday instead of going home we went to the playground and I stayed off my phone and gave him space but was around. I channeled the mama lioness who watches but is still, doesn’t interfere, but is completely there.
At one point we were both on the swings, him doing Superman-style on his belly just swinging gently, swaying back and forth with feet on the ground, me barely swinging, silent together. We stayed that way for what seemed like a long while and I let him be the first one to get up.
I reveled in the incredible luxury of being able to be, no manifesting, no generating, just breathing in and out, enjoying all there is to be enjoyed, appreciating what there is to be appreciated. There is so much and it’s already here.