Springtime Life Hack Magic

This patience, tolerance, kindness, and love thing works so well it almost feels like a cheat or a lifehack kind of magic trick sometimes. Like, “Wow, that happened!” And then add in the breathing in and out, deeply, and eating good food at regular intervals and some moving around and it’s like Wizard of Oz time when the movie goes from black-and-white to color and the munchkins all dance around. Voila, life. Sure there are flying monkeys every now and then but I get through them much more smoothly, much more in my me-ness when I stop and activate the PTKL, the Patience, Tolerance, Kindness, and Love thing, rather than all the other alternatives. I’m not talking about being a dishrag either, because I’m a person who deserves PTKL too. I get to have needs, express them, show up, all that stuff, but I can do it with PTKL and that makes all the difference. It keeps me clean and real instead of constellating weird archetypes of martyr, warrior, vixen, victim, domestic goddess, gung-ho cheerleader, shrew, child ….

I’ll tell ya. I’m nervous. It’s Saturday and Mike’s been gone all week and now it’s supposed to be fun fun fun family time, or something. And right there, there it is, why things go sideways. Because I’m not thinking about PTKL towards myself and him and Ax, I’m thinking about how things should be, some idealized state, I’m making up expectations on behalf of Mike, and I’ve already failed them.

I’m feeling a little defensive, a little resentful of the expectations of his that I invented myself and already failed. And he isn’t even awake yet. And I would like to have a nice weekend, so I’ve gotta drop all that stuff. Breathe, re-center. Practice the PTKL hardcore. Get into reality, the reality of who he is and who I am and who Ax is and, yes, who my mom is.  The reality is much better than what I make up in my head, which tends to be a bit of a flying monkey refuge, especially when I care a lot.

So that’s the theme for the day for me, PTKL, soaking in it, slathering it on, jumping into a big vat of it and coating myself with it for the day. Returning and returning and returning to the lovely truth of who we are, who I am, and all I have to give and to receive.