Sofas and Other Crises
Some galactic tech guy was quoted something like, “If you wait to get all the bugs out of your app before you release you’ll release too late or never.” I like that sentiment. At some point I just have to accept whatever suboptimalities exist and keep going, keep going, another day. Keep going without the big moves, the chaos, the major initiatives, the total redesigns that beckon to be launched in the uncomfortable moments, when the wind has died down and there’s a day or maybe a week or even a month or year of drift. Sails flapping, rudder useless, floating under a power not my own, beyond my control. It’s excruciating, waiting for wind. Or rather wanting something and not knowing if or when it will come.
And that’s when my brain starts speeding, “I need a motorboat, I need a better boat, I need a better crew, how did I even get out here? Why am I here? What was I thinking? I should get a law job. Arghhhhhh!” And especially if Mike’s traveling out of town teaching or whatever that moment is usually the moment he’ll call to check in, “Hey baby, how’s the day?” He’ll say. And I’ll be like, “Argggghhhhhh!” And he’ll be like, “I’m sorry honey. Did you have lunch?” He’s very advanced that way. He knows his job is to witness and support, not fix my boat, which is a fine boat anyway.
And I’m advanced too, because I no longer actually go shopping for boats or law jobs or new homes or new schools or whatever. I witness and support too. I have a sandwich and take a deep breath. I ride it out.
Doing much less, keeping going even through the drift, is where it’s at for me. For me, to not panic, or to notice I’m panicking and keep going anyway when life’s rhythm shifts from eighties pop to punk rock to easy listening to bluegrass to ambient to what sounds like silent if I’m looking for a symphony but is actually lovely and peaceful and relaxing and ok – for me that’s where it gets really good. It is what it is. I am what I am. Let there be wind. Let there be drift. Let me keep going through whatever it is today.