Spinning

            I’m spinning on something in my mind these days and it feels terrible.  I meditated, I quasi-prayed, I brain-dumped to a friend a bit.  The answer, I know, is to stop spinning and turn my attention to helping other people.  Or at least de-clutter.  Or at least least to know I’m spinning and wait til it stops to actually do anything.

            But then Chloe’s voice barges in and tells me that if I don’t resolve the issue today, or this month, or this year, all will be lost.  Or maybe, she concedes, the issue does not need to be resolved completely but some action, active steps, to resolve it must be taken.  “Stay in the Problem,” she says.  “Don’t let go.”

            I’m not telling you the issue, though at some point I might, because it doesn’t really matter what the specifics are.  I’ve been here in this spinning place before, with different decisions, all of which, at the time, seemed vitally important.  I like to think most of my friends have been here too but some of them seem much more decisive, or resigned, or clear-headed than I am.  I can generate a lot of options, and a lot of options about those options.  Sometimes it’s fun.

            The Jenna voice is more placid.  She’s all, “Everything is as it should be.  You are exactly where you need to be.  All is well.  All is perfect.  You are perfect.  Breathe.”  She is so annoying.  But I’m desperate enough to feel better that I’ll give this breathing thing a try.  Inhale, exhale, repeat.  One foot, then the other.  Something is happening.