Forgiveness (Cleo Part 2)
It’s freaky how after I wrote that last piece about our cat Cleo she’s been obsessed with sitting on my lap and cuddling. Freaky like she read it or something. Freaky like she knows I’ve forgiven her for waking me up and for generally being imperfect. Like she knows I accept her and her idiosyncrasies and I love her anyway.
There are other external variables that I could attribute the shift to as well. Like it was solstice the other night, and I have a cold so am sitting around with an available lap more, and, well, that’s about it. It could be vibrational, simply a shift in my own awareness of how sweet she is. Only she really wasn’t so sweet before. She has changed. Overnight.
I have one friend in particular who is all about the power of forgiveness. He is a forgiving machine. He’s into forgiveness of our parents, forgiveness of the person who swiped my parking spot and forgiveness of the sippy cup maker whose sippy cup leaks. Forgiveness of the art teacher who told me my tree didn’t look like a tree and the law professor who told me I was smarter in writing than in person. He’s into forgiveness of politicians, of seemingly unforgivable folk, and forgiveness of ourselves.
I am not there yet. Historically I’ve been more of an eye-for-an-eye, come-at-me-with-a-bat-I’ll-come-at-you-with-a-knife, go-ahead-make-my-day kinda girl. Fool me once your fault, fool me twice, you’re dead to me.
Lately it’s more let’s see what it’s like to stay away from folks with bats, to stay out of the fire. If you come at me with a bat I’ll excuse myself to go wash my hands. Fool me once and I’ll politely decline your next invitation. I’ll respond to your voicemail with an enigmatic yet friendly emoticon. I’ll be too busy for you.
I get that forgiveness of the people, places, and things I don’t like will feel better than avoidance of them. I get that when I can accept all that is, the way it is, and embrace it, I will be more able to live comfortably as I am in this world. I’m closer than I’ve been before. I forgive myself for not being there yet, and for a lot of other stuff too. I’m going to keep going.